As the Red Sox prepare to trot out Bobby Valentine….
…as their new manager, I have two thoughts, actually a thought and a rememberance, neither of which concern how I think he’ll do. It’ll be what it’ll be. The best manager in the world will only get you five percent more wins a year. The worst loses you five percent. So, this really isn’t an issue unless they miss the playoffs on the last day of the season because of a bad deci…. Uh-oh.
The first thought is something we may have been over before. If not, here’s an all too large peek at how my mind works. When a team in one of the four major sports (Yeah, hockey still counts. Don’t try to run that NASCAR screwball by me. That’s the same 150,000 people splitting in two and going every other week to the same six tracks) acquires a veteran player, I see if his uniform number is available. And if it isn’t, I try and guess what he will wear, or if he’ll try and offer the player who wears it some cash and prizes. They tried to make a movie out of this obsession a few years ago. ”The Fan.” Robert DeNiro, Wesley Snipes, Ellen Barkin, others. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend you rent it…then try to erase it. Absolute nonsense. Forget the tax evasion, Wesley Snipes should have gone to the joint for that.
Bobby Valentine wore many numbers during his star-crossed career, which ended prematurely when he broke his leg running into a fence in Anaheim. He has only worn one number as a manager. 2. The problem is the number is currently being worn by Jacoby Ellsbury, who just finished second in the AL MVP voting. Ellsbury wore 46 his first two seasons, then switched to 2 when Red Sox bench coach Brad Mills went to Houston to flame out. His first season wearing 2, Ellsbury played 18 games and had severe rib and shoulder injuries. Many expects attributed the injuries to mid-air collisions with teammate Adrian Beltre. I knew better. It was the number switch. Ellsbury endured a lot of heat about his recovery and commitment during the season and well into the off-season, but came back last year, 2 on his back, and ripped it up from Day One. It’s his now. And these days, numbers are no longer numbers. They’re branding.
So, other than another Herman Cain accuser showing up, does anything surprising happen during the press conference? Probably not. I say if Valentine puts on a jersey it has either no number on the back, 22 or 3. Nobody is wearing 22, and 3 belongs to backup infielder Mike Aviles, who I really don’t see being asked for his blessing. Great. Now we all have something to look forward to.
The rememberance is maybe 12 years old. I was watching a Mets game sometime before I began construction on my Y2K bunker. Doesn’t matter who they were playing. The home plate umpire made a fair call on a slow roller that was clearly fielded foul by the first baseman, costing the Mets an out. Bobby Valentine came flying out the dugout and rather than go nuts, asked the home plate umpire to ask the first base umpire (who clearly had a better view of the play) for help. No, I saw it, go sit down, the ump says. And then Bobby Valentine, and I’m telling you, I have never seen this before or since, starts saying “Please ask for help…Please….Please….Please….” Then louder, like a James Brown tribute band, “Please! Please! Please!” Everyone could hear it. Finally, the home plate umpire relents, he asks, the first base ump signals foul ball, and the Mets have a new life. Can’t tell you what happened after that, other than Bobby Valentine saying thank you.
I don’t know why, but just the possibility of that is something to look forward to.
(I just re-read this and we may have all been better off with me not posting….)
