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I plan to weigh in every other day or so with what I hope are yak-worthy thoughts, musings and reconditioned events from my alleged past, my assumed present and my delusional future. If you want to comment, I will respond almost as quickly as those spam guys who claim you can make $500/day in your underwear.

Sep 22
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Okay, one more story from yesterday....

I cannot believe how many people have responded to this photo of me with the President. It is beyond humbling. And while we’re on the subject of humbling, I give you this:

Because of the President’s visit, there was an enormous security presence. The Secret Service sealed off 53rd Street from 12:30-5:00, so only properly vetted Letterman staffers could go into the theatre and only through the Broadway entrance. I have to be onstage 15 minutes the taping. I get to the mwetal detector, the guy asks me to take my phone out. Fine. I tell him I have an artificial hip, he says go ahead. Again, fine. He wands me. Again, fine. Then he looks at me, not unmenancingly, and says, “What’s in your jacket pocket?” There’s a slight bulge.

Redfaced, I reach in and pull out…30 packets of Splenda I had lifted earlier from Starbucks. Yeah, you heard me. 30.

He let me go, but I could swear I heard him mutter into his sleeve, “Razor to Base. We have a Jew in Area 4….” 

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